i grew up in the suburbs of Illadelph. South Jersey (SJ) to be exact. Edgewater Park & Willingboro to be specific. i often jokingly refer to SJ as East Illadelph because all of the broadcast media that shaped my thoughts as i grew came from Illadelph. i actually moved here when i was in my late teens & have spent my entire life as an adult in this beautiful city.
the majority of the huebeins i grew up around were European Statesians. my family did not have any Europeans in it, but the genetic influence of Europeans is clear on my egg donor side. it's possible that there is some American genetics mixed in there too, but that's not a topic for now.
the post Civil Rights era mentality of the African Statesians that i was exposed to essentially taught me that desegregation had worked. the incidences of racial hatred &/or prejudice were no longer prevalent as they used to be. the struggle for equality was effective. we were now enjoying the fruits of labor of the struggle.
this is the 1970's in the minds of the African Statesians that i grew up around.
somewhere along this path i had a European Statesian associate who was the son of 1 of my egg donor's associates. i would say we were friends back then. it's a lot easier to use the friends label when you're young. i'll call this associate Jim for the sake of this story. Jim & i used to spend the night at each others homes, play outside w/each other, & many of the other things that people do when they're social.
Jim & his family moved from SJ to Ohio in the mid to early '70's. Jim's family moved because his sperm donor worked for a franchise as a manager & they moved him around sometimes. this wasn't a big deal for me. i had other associates, & our egg donors kept in touch.
thanks to the our egg donors relationship, i got to experience my 1st plane flight. this was an amazing experience & i still have a great love for flight to this day. my egg donor & i flew from Illadelph to Ohio to visit Jim & his family. we stayed at Jim's house. if i recall correctly, this was for the Christmas holiday that year.
as i was told by my egg donor, Jim's sperm donor was prejudiced. he seemed to hold himself together relatively well when we were around, but who knows how he acted when we weren't there. i was told that he could be abusive to Jim's egg donor. i'm not sure if that meant mentally, physically, or both. Jim grew up in this environment. it had an effect on our interactions.
1 evening Jim & i were playing & things got a little heated. i suppose we were arguing over a toy or some rules of play & Jim decided he was angry enough to call me nigger.
this was the 1st time i was ever called nigger by a European Statesian to my face.
i told my egg donor & Jim's family what happened. Jim's egg donor was embarrassed as i can recall, but i don't quite recall his sperm donor's reaction. i don't recall if they beat him or not. i know i got beating for incidents like this, but this wasn't my incident.
we continued to stay at Jim's house until we left & my egg donor stayed in contact w/Jim's. the 2 of them maintained their relationship for many years after that as well. Jim & i did not stay in contact. it has nothing to do w/this incident though.
i haven't forgotten this 1st nigger.
there have been many since. usually not to my face about me, but European Statesians yelling out nigger in passing has been relatively common in my personal experience. in fact, at Trenton State College, if you passed the Travers & Wolfe dorms on certain occasions, you could hear nigger yelled at you from the cover of dark windows. this was in the late '80's to early '90's.
the most recent of these incidents was at an event here in Illadelph. a drunk European Statesian was complaining about the presence of young African Statesians on South Street. ironically, he had interrupted a relatively spiritual conversation i was having w/a huebein who was from 1 of the countries in Central America. this drunk dude didn't seem to care that he was talking to someone who looked like 1 of the niggers he decided to complain about. this was in October '12.
the word nigger is definitely not foreign to me as an African Statesian...
when you have goals that are so large that they may extend beyond your physical being/existence, you have to look at life in a way that pieces progress into its necessary steps. this requires a good deal of planning & organization (p & o). if you're in an environment that is not conducive to p & o, there's that much more work that needs to be done.
paying dues is equivalent to the work needed to handle p & o regardless of environmental conditions.
managing frustration levels in detrimental environments is a matter of creator survival.
some make it, some don't. some cats come out scarred but stronger walking on their own 2, others get tangled in the crutches they use to hobble through the difficulties many huebeins face in life.
perception/perspective orientation is key. those who tend to be more - seem to be more likely to create issues as opposed to solutions.
more + = more solutions = more success
success as defined here is the accomplishment of creator goals, not the concept of accumulation of artificially valued physical objects.
the question at the end of the day/journey is how far did the collective self progress as a result of an individual creator's contribution to the creation of + change?
the answer can be found in reflection...
IMHO(bservation) it would appear that many creators are afraid to express new ideas. this is kind of fucked up when you consider that those who actively create are likely the best source of new concepts. this is not to say that all new ideas are valid, but how do we determine validity through consideration w/o the initial creation?
what is the context of this supposition?
the fact that being a creator requires certain services in a capitalist society is inescapable. if you as a creator decide to predominantly use OPM (other people's $$$), then there is always the weight of being a creator w/strings.
the idea of being the puppet of your benefactors is likely highly offensive, but the truth is that people who are disturbed by &/or have comprehension issues w/whatever it is you create are not likely to contribute to the success of the creation process.
so, what does an active creator do?
some choose to self-censor &/or dilute...
others say fuck it & quit...
a few say fuck it & just do watitdo regardless.
creators from this last group have to possess a certain fearlessness. you just won't do well if you're constantly worrying about who may be offended by your expression. some cats are overly offended for reasons primarily associated w/personal ignorance.
how is that the creator's responsibility?
should you as a creator allow this to inhibit/influence
is this a capitalist society?
if you're going to go the fearless route, be persistent & patient. identifying an audience that respects the truth & creative freedom is not something that is going to be easy. it is important to consider that the majority of huebeins seem to only prefer to hear the truth when it is favorable, & a similar number seem to be very poor at observing the truths of self.
there are a few examples of creators who seem to have freely expressed their ideas & still managed to create their path.
remember to SUPPORT watudig!
1 of the things that helps me maintain order in my life is music. it's 1 of the reasons why broadcast radio is a relatively unpleasant listening experience for me. if i'm working & the flow of the music is constantly be interrupted by irritating commercials attempting to tell me that my life is artificially inadequate, how am i supposed to get anything done?
since my music collection is as i've maintained it over the years, i don't have to worry much about listening to the same shit over & over again until it becomes bland to me. i've got enough lovely sounding flavas that i can put on whatever i'm feeling & blam out to it until i change my vibes.
there is a room at the rest that serves as my office, but i generally tend to work throughout the house. the room i work in most is where other people tend to sleep. since i often do not sleep at all, i work in the bedroom quite a bit. i figure working is better than stressing about not being asleep.
i've been planning to organize the space better so i can do some studying & today is the day. i setup a playlist on my media player so i don't have to run back & forth to the office to change the music.
these are the artists for the mission of the day:
Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth
Big Daddy Kane
A Tribe Called Quest
took a bit longer to set up this playlist than i intended, but the lack of interruptions will be well worth it!
for those who do create the time to read these words, i appreciate your eyes/mind.
what i do as a creator is not all that unusual. i'd have to say that the way i go about what i do could be perceived as a bit unique, but that would actually be quite common.
being unique is the natural state of each of us. IMHO(bservation) many of us have been trained to plug in to society in ways that serve to benefit the proliferation of corporate greed & malfeasance. my nature as an honest huebein & my gift(s) as a communicator don't fit well w/this model of being.
i have listened for many of the years that i've been alive to the various excuses for why things are not the most + for the vast majority of huebeins. i've also spent a good bit of personal time studying history & behavioral patterns. this is 1 of the reasons why i sometimes post things like #HUEBEINSrCRAZY .
instead of finding a way to fit in w/what i do, i have decided to do watitdo w/my gifts. i thoroughly enjoy accumulating knowledge, but it's just not as much fun as when i get to share it w/those who know enough to either add to it &/or appreciate it's true value.
posting here is still reflective of a number of technical issues that are essentially related to my personal/economic life. i've learned to accept my role in the creation of whatever circumstances i have to deal w/as an individual & as a creator. it doesn't make the circumstances less frustrating, but it does allow me a whole lot more freedom mentally to come up w/more constructive ways of devising solutions.
i'd rather be me & keep struggling than be a plugged in cat who has to hide his truth of being. that said, i have to keep working to find ways to fund my endeavors. the usual channels are generally not an option. i'm not going to stop because of that though.
i'm not big on asking peeps for help, but no 1 truly does anything completely by themselves. huebeings are social by nature. operating a media business as an individual may be somewhat easier because of the technology now available, but it is still NOT free. couple this truth w/the rising cost of just plain old living & you might get an idea of why many creative types just give up. this is not an option i have any intention of or desire to pursue.
that said, as the Refinery, i ask you to hit up the MEDIAfeast ( #theMEDIAfeast ) & cop a few things. if you already use Amazon then you'll be familiar w/the shopping experience.
the prices are the same as they usually are. the only difference is the Refinery receives a small percentage of the sale. you will be supporting independent media every time you go through the Mediafeast to get your Amazon on.
thanks in advance for your support & do share this link w/those you know as often as you can (w/o spamming them of course).
so it comes that it's the season of credit threatening shopping encouraged by retailers & popular media. being that i have a store it may seem sensible to promote it more this time of year.
emphasis on seem...
i am areligious (not to be confused w/atheist or agnostic) & additionally do not support the idea that cats need to perpetuate these economically detrimental behaviors for the sake of fostering social interaction. IMHO there are better/more constructive ways for us to commune as huebeins.
so, will i promote the MEDIAfeast?
of course i will, but not because of any seasonal motivations. the store is open 24/7/365 & i will continue to stock it as long as Amazon Associates facilitates.
on that tip, here are some LP's i personally recommend copping on the hip hop side of things.
waup & watsgood!
i'll continue to chalk this up as being part of the territory of an independent creator.
there is no day job, kinda like there's no such thing as an overnight success story.
creators are not generally "discovered" 1 day whilst wandering about the planet. cats work, struggle, study, suffer, persist, etc. until a change in path is created/occurs. very often this type of change can take years. some people don't do to well w/the time between creation of vision & the physical realization of said vision.
i've had & continue to have my struggles w/this part of being an active creator. it can lead to some really dark places if your mind is not pointed in + directions.
creators keep huebeins moving forward. some better than others. if more of us worked to build stronger creative collectives, imagine how much we could change...
THINK CREATE + CHANGE
2 of the previous pieces are no brainers & the 3rd came from digital diggin'/study. this last piece just happened to be sitting out when i came back to the store the next day to cop what i had seen the day previous. an overall nice grip considering the Manu Dibango was looooooooong gone!
it's been another long minute or few. there are a number of posts still in draft mode. this blog is far from being done though. to those of you who are checking for it, keep on checking. this process of building & growing the Refinery is watitis. it definitely represents the concept of ABB (aLWAYS bE bUILDING).
the last 12 months or so have been technologically challenging. when gear breaks or fails it usually gets replaced. when the vittles are short, the gear becomes tertiary at best. cats have to make do w/what is readily available. i can't be mad at that. IMHO(bservation) this is the epitome of hip hop.
since both the desktop & the laptop have been mega done all this time, i've had to resort to various other means to keep operations up & running. the Kindle has played a major role. mobile web use has its limitations, but it also has its benefits. through necessity i've learned to make use of new resources. adaptation is so necessary for progress.
1 of the most + benefits from having limited access to the tech used by the Refinery for it's regular operations has been my writing & creating a bit more than i would have otherwise. the next part of the process is to make moves w/some of this material. what does that mean?
we shall see...
refined by DFingas at 10:47 PM
waup & watsgood huebeins!
it's been a few of months. cats gotta live, cats gotta eat, cats gotta create!
i'm sitting on quite a bit over here in terms of what to put up on the blog. the Refinery (tumblr) posts have been the primary outlet since the last post here. obviously this doesn't include the twitter feeds (@dfingas & @dfinery). a whole lot of shit has happened, but that's life now isn't it?
this post is a reflection of the overall mission of the operation that is the Refinery:
CREATION = ART = MUSIC = LIFE
i feel at this phase of operations it is very important to make it abundantly clear that this is NOT a hip hop blog. just 'cause i'm a hip hop head doesn't mean that this blog's content will be isolated to the culture. i don't feel there is any reason for confusion on this tip, but just in case, BLAM:
THIS BLOG IS AN EXPRESSION OF CREATIVE INTELLECTUAL CULTURE & A DOCUMENTATION OF THE JOURNEY ON A MISSION TO QUITE LITERALLY SAVE THE WORLD W/ART, CULTURE, & MUSIC.
that said, this blog is not about me as a creator. it is about building a creative community on a global scale. if you can dig that, then get up w/the vibes & let's make this shit happen. if this is beyond your comprehension for whatever reason, do watitdo & enjoy from the sidelines if you must.
so, to make the title of this post a reality here's watsinthecreatorsear at the moment:
*THIS LINK IS TO A DOUBLE LP OF TRUCK TURNER & TOUGH GUYS!